There were many things that Fred Flintstone was not. And not cracked-up to be. Yet, it seemed, week after week, Fred would find himself forced by circumstance, ego, and sometimes greed into trying to undergo a personality change to fit into a new trend, social position, or income status – with predictably disastrous results. Ultimately, we would generally find Fat Freddie back at his post in the rock quarry by the end of the half-hour, worse for wear but overall none the wiser, and ripe for equal punishment in the next episode. This week, we look at a string of such episodes, in which Fred manages to fit like the proverbial square peg in the round hole – or is that tightness around the girth not so much a matter of being a misfit socially, but more from eating one too many brontosaurus burgers at lunch?
Many of the embarrassments Fred would face tended to be repeating, as basic plot scenarios were retreaded with slight variation from season to season – and sometimes within the very same season. We’ll thus look at some of the originators of some of these categories, then make briefer mention of the variances which followed.
Monster From the Tar Pits (11/4/60) – The movie industry had to be a new thing in the stone age – so new, that even modern-day archeologists have yet to unearth any trace of it. So it’s no wonder that all Bedrock is abuzz when news comes in over the radio (another industry our history professors never told us existed so far before Marconi – and with no birds doing the talking inside the sets!) that a movie crew will be shooting a picture on location in their own home town, and bringing along starlet Wednesday Tuesday (or is it Tuesday Wednesday? – a pun on real-life actress Tuesday Weld) and leading man Gary Granite (pun on Cary Grant). Wilma commits the cardinal sin – forgetting to cook Fred’s dinner – as she daydreams of Granite’s arrival in town. And to make things even juicier, open auditions will be held to see if any native Bedrockians measure up to appearing in the film as extras.
Having no dinner on the table, Fred takes an instant disliking to the likes of Granite when he hears what preoccupied Wilma’s mind. Barney, Betty, and Wilma, however, are all star struck, and plan amongst themselves to attend the audition. They little realize that the whole audition thing is primarily intended as a publicity stunt, with the auditioners little expecting to actually discover any real talent. Their low expectations are not disappointed, as the flow of humanity exhibits such unfit talents for the movies as hula hooping, Betty’s bird calls, and Wilma’s soft-shoe dancing. But an unexpected face appears after the rest of the town has departed. Fred, too embarrassed after his outbursts to Wilma about “Hollyrock phonies” to admit that he too has the bug for bright lights and stardom, shows up from around a corner, trying to be last in line. His late arrival causes him to be greeted by the director’s announcement that the auditions are closed, as the director shifts his attentions to a quarrel with Granite over the star’s insistence that he needs a stunt double, something the micro-budget of the picture won’t allow. Fred, not hearing a word of the conversation between the director and Granite, bellows in his best Fred bellow, complaining how he knew these guys were just a bunch of phonies. Hearing that voice is all the director needs to get a situation-saving idea. Pretending to take Fred into his confidence, the director informs him that he is afraid Granite has been at the top for too long and is slipping, and he is looking for someone new to split the leading role with Granite. The right man will do all the scene-stealing “hard stuff”, while Granite will only be left with the easy stuff. With the lead character being “The Monster From the Tar Pits”, Fred is the perfect choice to share the role with Granite. Fred doesn’t even need a script. Just take a duplicate monster costume home with him, and practice growling. Shooting starts tomorrow.
Fred’s costume scares the bejeebers out of Wilma and Betty, earning Fred multiple whacks in the head with a mop. Barney can’t tell the difference, and addresses him as Fred right from first glance. But all three instantly see through the director’s speech to Fred, realizing “You’re doubling for Gary Granite”. Fred insists they’ve got it all wrong – not doubling, but replacing. After a night of growling before a mirror, Fred shows up on the set in the morning, ready for action. And action he gets. The prop man keeps informing the director that the budget doesn’t permit them to buy fake giant boulders, break-away clubs, or even a writer for an ending – so they just fake it with the real things. Fred as the monster is bashed with clubs, has a boulder dropped on his head from a high cliff, and makes a final scene exit by wading in over his head into a real tar pit, and waving one non-submerged hand to the camera. Gary relaxes through the danger, and he and the director pick up their cameras and lights and head back to Hollyrock, all of them not even bothering to tell Fred that the final shot is over. Fred remains under the tar for many hours until nightfall, still waving, until Barney arrives in search of him to take him home.
Wilma attempts to console him at home, stating that he had some fun, but found out that movie work isn’t as easy as it’s cracked up to be. Fred sulks, and tosses his tar-covered costume into the trash can. But another radio bulletin rocks Bedrock. The picture, filmed and edited in a grand total of one day, has already premiered – and is a smash hit. The crew intends to return the next day, to film the sequel, “Son of the Monster From the Tar Pits”. (Yes, there were sequels even then.) Before Wilma can even turn to relay the news to Fred, Fred is rummaging in the trash, in search of his costume, and certain that he’ll be a shoe-in for the sequel’s lead. Wilma can only remark to the audience, “There’s a little bit of ham in every husband.”
The “instant stardom” plot would almost become a sub-genre for the series. Similarly-styled episodes included Hollyrock, Here I Come (12/2/60), in which Fred is “discovered” for a TV production as perfect for the role of an irate husband, known as the Frogmouth, but becomes such a pest on the set that the director, rather than get saddled with him for the whole season, informs him just before airtime of the millions who will be viewing him, inducing stage fright and the inability to utter a peep. Hawaiian Escapade (11/16/62) again has Fred reduced to the role of stunt man, after Wilma and Betty win him an appearance on the detective show “Hawaiian Spy” (pun on Warner Brothers’ series, “Hawaiian Eye”) with a fake resume about his athleticism – causing the director to write him in for dangerous surfing stunts and wrestling a wild dinosaur. Wilma comes to the rescue, by socking the dinosaur in the jaw herself, and shouting, “Beat it, Buster”.
Son of Rockzilla (2/27/64) nearly predicts the later “Masquerade Party”, discussed below, while mirroring in some respects “Monster From the Tar Pits”, in having Fred hired on the pretense of playing the monster Rockzilla in the movies, but told to appear in costume in the streets. The real intent is to use him for a publicity stunt for Fiendish Pictures, intending to cause a public panic, then telephone the cops to round him up. Fred emerges into the night in costume, but can’t even scare Arnold the Newsboy, who sees right through his disguise. Fred asks Barney how you learn to act like a fiendish monster, and Barney suggests study at the zoo, where they meet Doris the Finkasaurus – a near look-alike to Fred’s costume. However, Doris’s fierceness quickly melts at the sight of Fred, as she develops a romantic crush on his costume, and escapes her zoo confinement to follow him. Meanwhile, Fred is finally sighted by the public, and the studio’s call goes out to the police that the monster is loose. Fred finds himself on the run, but the costume head is stick on tight. Barney hurries to get some pliers, leaving Fred alone to meet up with Doris. With both Doris and the cops on his heels, Fred races for home, knocking down the returning Barney in the process. Fred beats his pursuers into the safety of his living room, while Doris and the cops wait outside. Barney catches up, and tries to forcibly remove Doris’s head by mistake. But the pacified dinosaur likes Barney, and Fred wises Barney up by revealing himself before Barney can do any real damage. Barney escorts Doris back to the zoo, as any boy should do for his date at the end of an evening.
Fred Meets Hercurock (3/5/65) is nearly a direct remake of “Tar Pits”, with Fred again a double, but facing even more climactic action in a take-off of the present rash of “Hercules” Italian muscle-man pictures, in a chariot ride gone wild.
A Star Is Almost Born (1/12/62) takes things from a reverse direction. Wilma and Betty, seeking to quench their thirst at a soda fountain, happen across the Show Biz Drugstore – one of those fabled places where aspiring actors and actresses go to be discovered by big producers. Wilma accidentally, and literally, bumps into renowned TV producer Norman Rockbind inside the store, dropping a load of boxes from her shopping. When she bends to pick them up, Rockbind announces that his search is over, and that he’s found his new find. He requests Wilma to show up for rehearsal one week from today, not informing her what the part will be. Wilma is walking in the clouds, but can’t understand what Rockbind saw in her, as she has no talent. Fred, Barney, and Betty, however, know Rockbind’s track record of never missing in his discoveries, and of winning Emmys (They even had those in the prehistoric days?) even in his early days when he produced the weather reports, so are sure that this move means Wilma’s certain stardom. So sure, in fact, that Fred quits his job without informing Wilma, and Barney and Betty invest $200 in charm and speech lessons to prepare Wilma for her debut, in return being promised a percentage of Wilma’s future earnings. Wilma endures a harried week of training, including walking in perfect posture with rock slabs balanced on her head, learning to produce her “A”’s with culture (“The ah-nts in Frah-nce stay mainly on the plah-nts”), and even making graceful entrances and exits that lampoon Loretta Young and Dinah Shore (Wilma’s throwing of a big fat kiss with swooping arm gesture a la Dinah flings her loose wristwatch into Fred’s mouth). But things fall through when Fred discovers that Rockbind only wants Wilma for a hand lotion commercial, because she has lovely knuckles. Fred insists that all of Wilma must be used, not just her hands, and drags Wilma off the set. By the time Wilma informs Fred that the job would have paid back the $200 loaned by Barney, and also might have led to appearances on other commercials, at a possible annual income of $25,000, it is too late for Fred to apologize, as Rockbind has already found a substitute for the commercial. Wilma, however, succeeds in talking Slate into giving Fred back his job, barely stopping Fred from pressing his luck by attempting to come back only upon his own terms. At least satisfied with the status quo, the Flintstones sit down at the TV set out of curiosity, to see who got the commercial in place of Wilma. Barney comes in, trying to inform them of good news – but they learn the story from the TV set, as the replacement hands are those of Betty! The Rubbles will get back their investment, and perhaps more, after all – so long as Wilma and Barney remain seated on Fred’s back to keep him pinned down, and restrain him from telling Rockbind that he thinks Betty is being robbed for working so cheap.
Last week, we looked at three episodes in which Fred entered the field of music. There were others which dealt with current musical crazes. Surfin’ Fred (3/12/65) picks up on the popularity of surfing where “Hawaiian Escapade” left off, adding a generous nod to the companion fad of surf music, much like Magilla Gorilla would do a few years later. It’s time for an early spring vacation, and Fred’s in charge of picking out a quiet destination. He selects a remote beachfront hotel he’s sure nobody has heard about, called Rock Island, where he says they can have the beach all to themselves. Barney isn’t so sure, as this is Spring Break, and several cars of teenagers pass their vehicle at high speed. Wilma too thinks there’s something familiar about Fred’s destination, but can’t place her finger on it. At the Rock Island hotel, battle stations are under preparation, with windows being boarded over, and everything loose being nailed down – as the hotel braces for its second year of bookings for the national surfing finals. To make things even more unavoidably irresistible to the teenagers, singer James Darrock (guest star James Darren) is scheduled to appear to present the trophy to the winning contestant. (Darren was no accidental choice for a guest star, being signed to Columbia’s “Colpix” record label, and being heavily promoted by the studio in this and other productions – he would sing a featured number in H-B’s first feature-length film, Hey, There, It’s Yogi Bear, and also perform the theme song for Screen Gems’ Sally Field sitcom version of “Gidget”.)
At a personal appearance elsewhere (where Darrock performs the original number “Wax Up Your Boards” in authentic mock Beach Boys style), Darrock is promised some time off – with the catch that it be at the location of the surfing finals so that he can present the trophy at its conclusion. His manager places sunglasses and a lifeguard’s hat upon Darrock’s head, telling him that for two days, he will be in disguise, relaxing in the lifeguard’s chair, with no likelihood of having to perform a rescue, as everyone in the water will be champion surfers. Of course, no one has counted on the unexpected presence of Fred. At the resort, Fred’s dreams of solitude are quickly shattered as swarms of teenagers begin to arrive, and Wilma finally recalls where she had heard of the location on last year’s news. But Fred is not about to be tagged with making a mistake, and refuses to let his spirits be dampened. Instead, he reverts to a sort of second childhood, and determines to mingle with the younger set. He starts by trying to dive into a wave for some body surfing. His pot belly meets the vertical face of a wave head on, and Fred is driven back forcibly for a rolling landing on the shore. Some onlooking teens think that was a cool move, which Fred describes as “body surfing – Honolulu style”, and Fred agrees to teach them the maneuver, in exchange for learning some of the youths’ dance steps. Before long, Fred is swiveling his mass in rhythm with the teens’ surf beat, as the world’s oldest teenager, and accepted by the youths as a coach and guru. Fred musses his hair to kook like a surfer dude, and adopts the nickname “Troy” (reference to actor Troy Donahue). Fred continues, however, to get into various mishaps (including body surfing after eating, board surfing balanced atop the edge of the board vertically, and tandem water skiing with Barney), which leave lifeguard Darrock with more work on his hands in rescues than he ever bargained for. Wilma, meanwhile, is fuming at the attention Fred is getting, and decides to engage in some self-instruction on board surfing herself to show Fred up. “If Fred’s going to be the Cary [note: not “Gary”] Granite of the teenage set, then I’m going to be Tuesday Kelp.”
The day of the finals arrives, and Barney and Betty discover the resemblance between the poster of Darrock in the lobby and their lifeguard, deducing the secret. They inform Wilma, who has just witnessed Fred being coaxed to the beach by two teenage girls on the ruse that they need an extra judge for the contest. Instead, the girls talk Fred onto a surfboard, and push him out to sea to perform his feats in the competition. With the surf up, Wilma senses disaster, and paddles out on her own board to rescue Fred. A mammoth wave bears down upon them. Fred’s board is swept away in a near wipe out, but he lands atop the shoulders of Wilma, who rides the curl in a high speed approach to the shore – straight at the pier. Wilma bravely maintains her balance with Fred on top, and slaloms between the pier pilings, up upon the shore, and gracefully up the walk of the hotel and through its revolving door, all to the applause of the crowd, and the unanimous decision by the judges that they have just witnessed a prize-winning performance of tandem surfing. That night, Darren performs one more number, “Surfin’ Craze”, written to sound as close as legally possible to a duplicate of the Beach Boys’ “Surfin’ U.SA.”, as the trophy is awarded to the Flintstones. Back at home, Fred can’t get the surf music out of his blood, as he, Barney, Pebbles, and Bamm Bamm form a garage quartet surf rock group, performing the song again in their own off-key style for the fade out. (Shades of “Date With Jet Screamer”!)
(Two noticeable goofs in the episode: in the scene where Barney and Betty discover Darrock’s identity from the lobby poster, the theme from “Top Cat” is played in the underscore. In a perspective shot as Wilma and Fred approach the pier “pipeline”, animation cels are placed behind a background layer depicting the pier pilings, so that when Fred’s mouth comes nearly up to the camera lens, no one remembers to reposition the background cel to let Fred pass ahead of the pier pilings, leaving them visible in the shot as if about to be swallowed by Fred’s oversized mouth.)
The Hatrocks and the Gruesomes (1/22/65) is a direct sequel to a previous-season episode “The Bedrock Hillbillies”, in which Fred and family had inherited a mountain cabin – and the decades-old hillbilly feud with the neighboring Hatrocks that went with it. By the end of that episode, the quarreling and shooting had been patched up, by a teamwork rescue by the two family heads of Pebbles and a Hatrock child from danger. The sequel finds the Hatrocks in town to visit the Bedrock Worlds’ Fair (capitalizing on the 1964-65 New York World’s Fair, referred to in more than one episode of the show and in a well-written souvenir comic book featuring the Flintstones published by Gold Key). They unfortunately are absolute pests, insisting on camping out on the Flintstones turf every time Fred makes a slip of the tongue suggesting cordially that it’s a shame to see them leave. A night’s invite turns into a week, then until hog-branding time rolls around – whenever that may be. But music on a juke box reveals the Hatrocks’ weakness. They can’t stand that “Bug music” by the 4 Insects – an obvious reference to the Beatles, complete with imagery of the standard Beatle haircut. Just the sound of that unlistenable stuff raises the Hatrocks’ ire – and their rifle barrels, shooting up the juke box and causing the bird phonograph needle inside to wave a white flag of surrender.
Fred doesn’t at first register the music as his ultimate weapon, instead attempting a more direct scare approach by introducing the Hatrocks to his neighbors, Wierdly Gruesome and Creepella (H-B’s answer to the Addams Family and Munsters). But the Hatrocks just ain’t normal folks, and man-eating plants, a monster in the well, a savage alligator and an octopus fail to raise even a wink of fright out of the clan. The Gruesomes begin to wonder if they’re losing their touch. Finally, Fred remembers the juke box incident, and mentions to the Gruesomes the bug music. The very mention of same sends shudders through the Gruesomes, who consider those tunes to be “more repulsive than we are”. So, Fred, Barney, and Wierdly hatch a plan. At night, while the Hatrocks sleep, Barney wires a radio and the telephone to an adjoining room. Inside, Fred, Barney, Betty and Wilma, all wearing Beatle wigs, begin squawking a tune to Fred’s guitar accompaniment, “She Said Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.” As the music awakens the Hatrocks through the radio, shootin’ irons are raised to blast the contraption – but since it is really a live feed, they can’t shut the raucous music off. The elder female of the Hatrocks picks up the phone to call the police – and gets another earful of the same tune through the receiver. The Hatrocks run to the Gruesomes’ residence (“Our kind of people”) for some peace and quiet, but find Wierdly, Creepella, their son, and his octopus all in Beatle wigs and performing the same song. Trying one more place for a hideout, the Hatrocks disappear inside the Flintstones’ garage – to find Pebbles, Bamm-Bamm, Dino and Hoppy duplicating the performance in the same wigs, as a garage band. Nothing to do but to hit the road at full speed, and head for the World’s Fair. Until they spot a billboard two miles from the fairgrounds, announcing the star performers featured at the fair – the 4 Insects. Head for the hills, back to Arkanstone, for the fade out.
The Masquerade Party (11/26/65). Fred plans to win first prize at a Water Buffalo costume ball. Unfortunately, his first idea – to dress as the devil – is hit upon by Barney at the same time, leading to a backyard duel between the two of them with pitchforks. Fred thus seeks out something more original and up-to-date – dressing as an invader from outer space. But the timing for his idea couldn’t be worse – as an enterprising radio disc jockey has just hit upon an unprecedented (at least in the stone age) idea to promote Bedrock’s newest members of the “British Invasion” – a rock-and roll quartet known as the “Way-Outs”. This far-out group perform in costumes that also resemble aliens, with unique segmented body sections that make them look like an assembling and disassembling stack of rock discs. The basic plot mirrors Orson Welles’s 1938 “War of the Worlds” broadcast scare, with the DJ given copy to read every few minutes warning of the Way-Outs as an actual invasion force from outer space.
Fred’s car breaks down during the height of the public scare, and his invader outfit is instantly mistaken for one of the Way-Outs, leaving panic wherever he goes. After scaring off a taxi driver, and all the customers at the car hop, Fred finally hitches a ride – with the real Way- Outs. Discovering their singers, Fred invites them to perform at the lodge ball. But the lodge doorman hears the radio broadcast before they arrive, and Barney and the other lodge members mount a counter-attack to greet them. After enduring several pummelings, Fred’s helmet falls off, and Barney realizes he’s in for Fred’s wrath. Especially when the DJ announces a public retraction over the radio – at the behest of arresting officers. But Fred is appeased, as his costume wins a custom bowling ball as first prize. And he even gets to perform on stage with the Way- Outs for a rocking finale.
Shinrock a Go Go (12/3/65), as mentioned last week, robs a script from Jack Hannah’s production at Walter Lantz for Doc and Champ, “Corny Concerto”, as Fred develops a new dance craze – by dropping a bowling ball (weighing 116 pounds) on his foot, and hopping around yelling “Yabba Dabba Di, Ay Yi Yi…” While this happens at the bowling alley, the boys have promised on their way home to pick up for the girls free tickets to their favorite TV show, “Shinrock” (a direct lampoon on the then-current teenage dance/rock show, Shindig, complete with its host, Jimmy O’Neill(stone) cameoing). At the station, Barney drops his own bowling ball on Fred’s foot, repeating Fred’s painful screaming and hopping. The moves are picked up by the teen dancers auditioning for the show, instantly replacing the popularity of the current step, The Pterodactyl. O’Neilstone gives Fred’s moves the catchy name, “The Frantic” and offers Fred $100 to introduce the step live at his go-go club.
Fred spends the night dreaming of sweeping the country, and then the world, with his new step, opening a chain of dance studios, and teaching the President, his cabinet, and world leaders from France and Russia his moves in private lessons. But by morning, realization sets in that what happens if the kids don’t like him? Fred develops a classic case of stage fright, and collapses in a nervous breakdown before Pebbles. The only means of keeping him calm is for Barney to transport Fred to the club, tied and gagged in the car trunk. An SRO crowd awaits the performance, and even Barney gets the jitters. Unnecessary but thankfully short footage is wasted of the Beau Brummels performing a cameo warm-up performance of “Laugh, Laugh” (unnecessary because the song is repeated verbatim twice within the half hour). In the meanwhile, Fred dons a Beatle-style wig O’Neilstone asked him to wear as a gimmick, and Barney places the pin that kept the wig positioned on its dummy headrest upon a seat in the dressing room. Just as Fred’s cue is called, Fred sits down – right on the tack. He bursts through the dressing room door, again screaming in pain, jumps upon a table, dives off, doing a one and one-half somersault, and belly-flops on the floor with a wham. The copycat kids start doing it too. O’Neilstone realizes this dance isn’t the Frantic – but another original, which he names the Flintstone Flop. The teens continue in their mimicking of Fred, while Barney phones for a doctor for the unconscious Fred on the floor.
The final scenes find Fred in bed at home, partially bandaged, being informed by Wilma that the doctor says he’ll be up and around in no time. Barney arrives, with a present for Fred to help him pass the time – a book on dance instruction. That’s all Fred can take, and injury or no, he rises from the bed, determined to strangle Barney. On his way out of the room, Fred hits his head on the doorway. Fred is seen in the final shot screaming and hollering in pain, holding his head and hopping around in a new way. Barney appears at the window, informing Wilma that he thinks Fred has just invented a new step yet again – the Flintstone Frenzy.
In lieu of no clips this week, we’ll end this column with a rare commercial from the series for a then contemporary consumer product:
NEXT WEEK: We’ll see more dancing from Fred, personality transformations, and social climbing, as we continue our survey of Fred’s many efforts to get with it.
