A blogger last week marveled at how many times Popeye had played baseball. Well, that seems to be nothing when compared to Fred Flintstone. At least Fred or his family got involved in no less than 10 baseball stories over the course of his career. We only have room this week for eight, so we’ll save installments of “The Flintstone Kids” and the “Pebbles and Bamm Bamm Show” for another day. Below, we will remark upon many episodes of the original series, a short from “The Flintstone Comedy Hour”, and two late specials which try to preserve something of the flavor of the original show. Max’s Fleischer’s cavemen certainly weren’t the only ones swinging a club at rocks and rounding the bases during the Modern Stone Age.

Operation Barney (2/16/62) – A baseball story in which we never see a stadium, a uniform, a bat, or even a ball. It’s spring again, and a young man’s fancy turns to – baseball. Fred has a yen to see a scheduled double header featuring the Bedrock Boulders. Trouble is, it’s a work day, and both Fred and Barney are due at their respective jobs. Fred gets one of those brilliant Flintstone ideas as to how each of them can see the game – merely call up their bosses, and tell them they’ve caught a cold. Highly original. Fred heads for a phone booth, and a few minutes of coughing and hacking on the phone fools Mr. Slate. But Barney’s quite new at this, and a bad actor. When he phones his boss Mr. Pebble, Barney can’t even get his own name right, introducing himself as Fred. After he gets his identity straightened out, he receives a very different reaction from his boss than that of Mr. Slate. Since Barney is already almost to his job site, Mr. Pebble suggests he get checked out by the company nurse. Fred still thinks a little coughing and sneezing will get Barney through the exam, but Barney’s not so sure.

The nurse is a pro at ferreting-out fakers, and almost before Barney can make his claim of illness, she has a thermometer in his mouth for a temperature reading. She leaves the room to get a swordfish needle for a blood test. Fred peers in through a window, and spots the thermometer, so proposes another idea to juice up the instrument’s reading a little – apply a few seconds of flame from a cigarette lighter (a device which rubs two miniature sticks together). Barney faints in panic when he sees the nurse return with the swordfish, and the nurse picks up the thermometer for a reading – of 312 degrees! Next thing Fred knows, Barney is being wheeled past him outside on a stretcher, and loaded in an ambulance bound for a hospital and the operating room.

The action shifts to the hospital, where Fred faces trouble from a desk nurse who rigidly enforces a no visitor policy against non-relatives. Fred resorts to female impersonation as a nurse to wheel out Barney, but has to wheel him right back in at the sight of their wives arriving, tipped off by a call from Mr. Pebble about Barney’s illness. The hospital has called in a Viennese specialist for the operation. Fred is mistaken for an intern by the visiting physician, and reroutes him into a janitor’s closet instead of the operating room. Fred takes the surgeon’s place, and performs a miracle operation, by applying a monkey wrench for a two-minute twisting session upon Barney’s nose. The two finally manage to escape the hospital, passing the wives and promising to explain when they get back to the house. There, the boys come clean about the whole affair, then find the charade was a total waste of effort. Fred mis-remembered the baseball schedule, and the double-header was a twilight-night event instead of a day game. To make matters worse, Mr. Pebble calls to check on Barney’s recovery, and mentions to Betty in the call that he had had two extra tickets for the game he intended to give to Barney, but since Rubble got sick, he gave the tickets away. Fred at least makes the most of it, and realizes there’s still time to get to the ball park as paying customers, to which the wives consent – if they also get taken along. Though never stated in the show, let’s at least hope the game doesn’t turn out to be a sellout.

Here’s a snippet:

Take Me Out To the Ball Game (4/27/62) – Fred’s upset as usual that Arnold the newsboy has been tossing the evening paper on the roof repeatedly (and when more careful, in a cactus patch). He gets today’s edition right in the kisser, as Arnold hurries off, late for baseball practice. Fred reads in the paper of a Pee Wee League playoff between the Bedrock Giants and the Gritsburg Pyrites. His reading is disturbed by repeated pounding on the roof. Not the paper boy. Hail – in July? No, a hail of baseballs from the next yard, where Coach Barney Rubble is pitting the Giants through some batting practice. To save the talents of his star pitcher Arnold for the big game, a dinosaur pitching machine is used, the dino taking verbal instruction to mix up lobs and “pepper” pitches, and hurling the balls with his tail. Barney invites Fred to join a practice game, to take a little weight off Fred’s “infield” – but neither split-squad will pick him as a player. Arnold has a different suggestion – why can’t Fred act as umpire? Fred becomes not only honored, but star struck, at being offered such a high position of authority – and really gets into shouting his calls and holding firm on erroneous decisions, even when calling a strike on a pitch clear over the batter’s head, and a ball before the sphere ever reaches the plate.

By the next day, word is out that Flintstone will umpire the playoff. One of the kids on the home team is Eugene Slate, son of Mr. Slate. When he tells Dad about Fred, Slate bellows for Flintstone, but instead of bawling him out, gives Fred a raise, and both the afternoon and Saturday off to tend to his umpire doings. Slate’s intention of putting the fix in for the Giants is obvious, but Fred remains oblivious to it, and spends the bonus money on pro-umpire equipment, including a turtle-shell chest protector and a baseball cap to wear backwards. Fred admires himself in a mirror, and asks Wilma how he looks. “Smile”, says Wilma. Fred does – and the mirror instantly shatters from the image. Before Fred will eat dinner, he even “dusts off” Wilma’s plate with a feather duster.

Game day arrives, and every dad in town is on the case of his kid to win, as if their life depended on it. Fred meanwhile has had another event occur, making him more determined than ever to make good on his umpiring. A professional baseball scout has spotted him during practice, and thinks he might have the stuff for pro-umpiring. However, his words of advice are that no one respects a smiling umpire – snarl a little more. Also, that no umpire can afford to have friends – it might adversely affect their impartiality. Hearing that Coach Rubble is Fred’s best friend, the scout suggests that Fred toss Barney out of the game in the first inning.

Fred doesn’t go so far as to follow the scout’s recommendation. But he does make life unpleasant for Rubble, and for the kids in general. Fred can’t seem to make up his mind what to call – but when he does call, insists he’s made up his mind. Slate, in the stands, roots when a call goes the Giants’ way, then calls Fred blind as a bat when a call goes adversely. Barney can’t figure out what Fred is indicating, by holding up three fingers on one hand and two on the other, then three and three fingers, then six fingers – on one hand. Finally, a crucial play in the 9th leads to a race for home plate. Fred stands right in the path of the slide, and is bowled over in the dust cloud. When Barney awakens him for the call, Fred mumbles that he must have been out – and collapses again. The call is recorded as an “out”, and the Giants lose. Fred is buried in pop bottles, and winds up in a bed and in bandages recuperating from his wounds. A rock with a note crashes into the cave window, from the anonymous father of one of the players, telling him to reverse his decision or…a skull and crossbones image follows. There are rumors of an angry mob forming. But when a knock on the door seems to be the mob arriving, Fred, determined to stand his ground, opens the door, to find no one his size to stare eye-to-eye with. Instead, it’s the kids of the Giants team – who have no wish to have Fred reverse the decision. They instead applaud Fred for not knuckling under to the intimidation from their parents, and say that someone had to stand up to them and teach them that they can’t get what they want by bullying. Fred and the boys confer together, and soon appear in Slate’s office, where they have called for a meeting of the boys’ fathers. The kids turn in all their pro-baseball equipment, and Fred’s umpire gear, to the dads, along with all rights to their playing field, telling the dads to use them to get some exercise, take some weight off, and learn some lessons in fair play and sportsmanship. As for the kids, Fred informs the dads that they are not giving up the game, but from now on will play among themselves in a secret sandlot without adult supervision. Barney inquires how the kids are going to learn the fundamentals that way. Fred responds that it’s more important that the kids learn something more than fundamentals – fun!

Here’s a clip:

Ladies’ Day (11/23/62) – Fred would love to get away from the job again to see a big game, but is flay broke, and can’t afford admission. Worse yet, Slate is puttering around the quarry, showing off the rock works to a new potential buyer of their materials, a Spaniard named Senor Rocko Unheard by Fred, Slate offers to take Rocko to the same game later that day, although Rocko is more interested in the evening’s activities, hoping to meet some beautiful senoritas.

A mishap at lunch hour results in Fred’s lunch box being sat upon by his dinosaur crane, flattening the box like a pancake. Fred is forced to go home for lunch, where he finds Barney already home. Barney took the entire day off (is this a role reversal of their relations with bosses from that in “Operation Barney”?), and already has a ticket for the game. Fred spots Wolma’s purse unattended on a table, and is tempted to borrow the needed cash for a ticket, until Dino plays watchdog and prevents the thievery, snarling at Fred. Fred diverts Dino into the kitchen with a steak, slams the kitchen door on him, then runs for the purse. Enter Wilma, causing Fred to slam on the brakes, slide into the table belly-first, and slide across the room upon it, holding out the purse upon one outstretched hand. Wilma thinks he’s returning it to her, and Fred’s chance to purchase a ticket is gone. However, a new idea arises, as Wilma asks that Fred drop off a box of old clothes to a rummage sale collection center on his way back to work. Barney mentions that it’s ladies’ day at the stadium, and he is not taking Betty – after all, it is Barney’s day off. But Fred thinks he should bring along a lady anyway – Fred, in Wilma’s old clothes. Barney remarks that after all their years of friendship, this is the first time they’ve ever tried going steady.

Fred tells Barney to meet him in front of a hotel near the quarry, and takes Wilma’s old clothes with him back to the job, just long enough to punch in on the time clock. Sneaking behind the clock, he changes into Wilma’s things. (Now how do we explain a former dress of Wilma’s being in just Fred’s size, considering Wilma’s usual slender figure? Was she a binge eater in her youth?) Fred sneaks out of the quarry in drag, averting a fellow worker by hiding his face behind a fan, and reacting to his wolf-whistle, “Fresh guy.” Barney meanwhile waits at the hotel and wonders where Fred is. He begins making inquiries of every fat lady that happens along, either making remarks intended for Fred that appear insulting, or being mistaken for a masher. Barney is also in trouble with Betty, as he has left behind something incriminating in Betty’s laundry – a handkerchief, bearing lipstick stains. Betty doesn’t realize that Fred borrowed it to wipe off Wilma’s lipstick when she kissed him goodbye at noon. Betty and Wilma thus come along, expecting to catch Barney with a shameless hussy. All of this activity does not go unnoticed by a local cop patrolling the hotel, who thinks there’s a real womanizer on the prowl, short with a pointy nose. He calls for backup, and a sergeant joins his search. Thus, when Fred and Barney finally get together, and head for the stadium in Barney’s car, the girls are following them in a taxi, and the police in turn following them.

At the stadium, several wise cracks are elicited from the stadium staff at Barney’s tastes in women (one inquires of Barney whether bringing along Fred is really worth it). Needless to say, their presence does not go unnoticed, and Wilma, Betty, and the cops easily obtain confirmation that Barney is in the stadium. Fred wants to get rid of the female duds, but discovers he has a problem. He can’t go in the men’s room dressed like this – nor can he go to the ladies’ room, for obvious reasons. Better just keep the outfit on, and enjoy the game. (Let’s hope Fred gas a bladder strong enough for nine innings.) Fred continues to amaze and alarm the other fans, as he shoves over an entire row of seated patrons to make seating available for Barney, and bellows rants at the umpire in his own voice that seem anything but ladylike. He even hops out of his seat to catch a fly ball, and presents the ball to Barney as a souvenir. Someone with binoculars tells another about the little guy with the pointy nose that has the ball, and Wilma and Betty thus overhear their first solid clue as to Barney’s whereabouts in the stands. (How did Wilma and Betty get in? Each told the ticket taker that, since it was ladies’ day, they were with each other.) When Fred and Barney try to take a snack break and head for the concession stands, they barely miss the girls trying to find their seating section. Seeing the wives there, Fred suggests a hasty exit – but comes to a screeching stop, as he observes Slate and Senor Rocko eating hot dogs near the exit. Turning back into the stadium, our heroes discover the wives looking around ahead of them, and the cops looking for Barney at the end of an aisle tunnel. They are surrounded. Fred suggests that maybe Slate’s direction is safest, as Slate probably won’t recognize him in this get-up anyway.

Indeed, Slate does not recognize Fred, who Barney introduces as “Frederica”. Senor Rocko is charmed – and enamored – and begins kissing Fred’s hand. Fred feigns a falsetto, gently complaining that he (she)’s hardly met Rocko, and she isn’t that kind of a girl. Wilma and Betty backtrack, and finally catch sight of Fred. Wilma recognizes her old clothing, and states that she’d know those tell-tale feet anywhere. Fred’s secret is out, and Wilma thinks Fred should be taught a lesson. The girls approach Barney, who babbles a feeble explanation, and also introduces the girls to Frederica. Betty takes Barney aside to get some hot dogs, while Wilma puts in a few words to attempt to heat up the action between Rocko and Frederica. When Fred continues to balk, Wilma rakes up Rocko’s offer to dance in the clubhouse herself – with Rocko dumping Frederica abruptly upon the ground. “But you’re a married woman”, protests Fred. Wilma makes Fred jealous, claiming what difference does that make, and besides, her husband won’t be home for hours. Fred attempts to follow them to the clubhouse, but is told no unescorted ladies are admitted – so grabs Barney away from Betty, to serve as escort and dancing partner. Fred literally tosses Barney into the clubhouse door in his haste to get inside, prompting the doorman to remark that he’s seen them tossed out, but never in. Getting close to Rocko on the dance floor, Fred clobbers Rocko over the head, then hurls him out the clubhouse door – with the doorman remaking, “Now, that’s more like it.” Fred flips his wig to Wilma, revealing the trickery, and promising never to play hookey from work again.\

One small loose end. The police are still looking for Barney, and waiting outside the main gate. After establishing all the problems of Fred trying to change clothes in either the ladies’ or men’s rooms, Fred proposes a switch of the disguise to Barney. (Is the game over, and Wilma able to keep a lookout at the ladies’ washroom?) Fred, Wilma and Betty exit without interference, but wait for the feeble hobbling of dear ol’ grandma. Barney emerges in the outfit, imitating the voice of a little old lady. The trick works for a few seconds, until Barney gets the clothes tangled up in the turnstile, ripping the dress and emerging as himself. The cops take positions on either side of him, and Barney thanks them for their kindness in escorting an elderly lady – until they announce intention to escort him to the hoosegow. Both cops raise their clubs, but since Barney is such a small, low target, their swings conk each other instead of their suspect, knocking the cops cold. Flintstones and Rubbles race for Barney’s car, and Barney prompts a final laugh from all when he apologizes to Fred for ruining his best dress.

Here’s a brief clip:

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Big League Freddie (11/7/63) – Barney’s hammock slumber is disturbed by an invasion of round white rocks. Fred is practicing batting next door, with Dino serving-up pitches with his tail. Barney is soon covered with rocks in his hammock, as the ropes snap from the weight, dumping him on the ground. When he complains, Fred explains that he is practicing for the big game tomorrow for the cave construction company championship – the Bedrock Quarry team vs. Petri’s Petrified Lumber Yard. The game will also be attended by Boulder City Giants manager Casey Strangle, and his number-one scout Leo Ferocious (pun on Leo Durocher). Fred wants to look good, figuring he has a chance for a career in the big leagues. Fred refers to himself as “Babe” Flintstone.

Barney is talked into assisting with the practice. He delivers his “outcrop inshoot knuckler slider slow ball curve dipsy doodle spit ball upshoot palm ball fast ball waist pitch Smokey Pete bean ball nickel curve…and updrop”. Fred is bored before Barney can even finish naming the pitch, and leans on his bat. Barney finally delivers, knocking the pin out from under Fred and sending him sprawling. Barney agrees to throw pitches the way Fred likes them, but will only do so from the comfort of a lawn chair, since he himself is not in tomorrow’s game anyway. Enter Fred’s new quarry assistant, a young fellow named Roger Marble (pun on Roger Maris). Roger is on the team as Fred’s substitute, and doesn’t figure to play unless the team is way ahead in late innings. Nevertheless, Fred invites him to join in the workout. Fred pitches an easy one to him, stating that no one expects him to hit well – just meet the ball. Roger belts it past Fred’s ducking head, and straight through the trunks of four palm trees – which Barney calls really “meeting the ball”. A practice pop fly nearly disappears into the sky, then comes down upon Fred’s head, driving him into the ground. Roger practices sliding with Fred at the plate. He slides in so forcefully, Fred is knocked into a palm tree trunk, taking the place of the tree’s mid-section, and compressed loke a pancake under the weight of the tree’s upper-half. Fred thinks that’s about enough practice for one day. Fred spends the rest of the night driving Wilma to distraction, practicing for commercial endorsements before a mirror. He grabs what he thinks is hair tonic for a mock on-camera demonstration – and gets his hands caught in his hair, thanks to actually grabbing a bottle of super-strong cement. Wilma washes out the goo in the sink, pouring laundry soap on Fred’s head – and Fred turns the opportunity into a practice shampoo commercial.

Game day arrives, play commencing at the Giants’ own Candlestone Park (pun on Candlestick Park, the real-life Giants’ former home). A lot more name-dropping occurs among the opposing squads, including Sandy Stonax (Dodger Sandy Koufax), Pee Wee Rocks (another Dodger, Pee Wee Reese), and a reference late in the game by Casey Strangle to his last discovery, Mickey Mountain (another reference to Yankees’ Mickey Mantle). Speaking of Strangle and the Scout, they arrive at the stadium in the top of the 4th, having missed some key action. Fred had opened the game by being fooled and struck out by the “sneak ball” of the opposing pitcher – a rock fastened to a string like a yo-yo, in a return to an old gag seen in the 1930’s episodes reviewed in this series. The bottom of the second finds a line-drive headed for Fred at third base – conking Fred into unconsciousness. Fred is carried out on a stretcher, still mumbling commercial endorsements for shampooing with razor blades. Before Strangle and the Scout arrive, Roger is already suited up as substitute in Fred’s uniform. When Roger goes to bat, no one mentions his name on the loudspeaker – only his number. Strangle and Ferocious observe three home runs, and some terrific fielding plays. Consulting their program, they identify number 7 as – Flintstone.

That evening, a revived Fred sulks in the living room at having missed nearly the entire game, despite Roger’s winning of the event for the Quarry squad as virtually a one-man team. An unexpected knock on the door heralds the arrival of Strangle and Ferocious – bearing an iron-clad contract for Fred to sign. Wilma quickly sees the mistake that is being made, and tries to cue Fred to tell them it was Roger they saw playing. But Fred brushes her aside, and, taking advantage of the situation, makes the bargain. He shows off the contract to the Rubbles, bragging how it doesn’t make a difference whether he plays for real of not, as the contract promises to pay him anyway. The Rubbles sense the dishonesty of the deal, and turn away from him, insisting he is no big-leaguer. Fred tells himself they’re just jealous. But Wilma also won’t let Fred back in the house, and tells him to sleep with Dino – if he’ll have him. Dino won’t, and slams the door of his doghouse. Fred spends a sleepless night outdoors in the hammock, then groggily awakens, realizing it’s time to report at the stadium. He attempts to kiss Pebbles goodbye, but even Pebbles shuns him. “Da da bad”, she repeats. That did it. Fred shows up at Strangle’s office, confesses the whole works, and breaks his contract, dropping it upon the ground to crumble into dust.

The episode ends with a brief glimpse of a pro-game at Candlestone, with Roger now taking his rightful place in the Giants’ lineup, as Fred and the family root him on from the stands. Wilma kisses Fred for making this possible, and finally admits that in her book, Fred is a big-leaguer after all.

Here’s a clip:

Kleptomaniac Pebbles (11/28/63) receives brief honorable mention for an extraneous introductory sequence in which Bamm Bamm gets to show his stuff on the mound and at the plate. First, he pitches to Fred, with a fast ball that does the old one of punching a hole right through the bat, then knocking catcher Barney into an embedded position in a stone wall. How about batting? Fred throws him a “nice easy one”. He receives a wallop right in the gut from Bamm Bamm’s hit, and soars along with the ball through the Flintstones’ window, for a long slide upon Wilma’s freshly-waxed floor, and headfirst into the cabinet under the sink. Fred emerges, remarking that Bamm Bamm could be another Joe Di Rockio.

Here’s a clip:

Dummy Up (10/28/72) was a short featured in “The Flintstone Comedy Hour” for Saturday Morning fare. It lacks some of the thought and development of the prime-time series, but at least starts well on a premise a bit ahead of its time. Predicting the Jim Carrey feature, “Liar Liar”, it begins at a baseball game, with Fred trying to catch a foul ball in the grandstand (hit by a player with a punny name I can’t quite make out on the soundtrack, but which is a play on Boston Red Sox’s Carl Yastrzemxki). The ball conks Fred on the head, and although he quickly revives, he begins to go through fits of trembles and spinning eyes, as if something has been knocked loose. When these fits occur, Fred can’t help but speak exactly what he is thinking – and what he’s thinking of most people’s attributes, clothing, etc. tends to be insulting. After insulting everyone in the stands around him, down to another spectator’s little dog, Barney, sensing a problem situation, suggests it’s’ time for them to go, and drags Fred back to the car. Fred becomes lucid long enough to express that he thought he dreamed insulting the fans, but Barney tells him it wasn’t a dream. Fred realizes he’s going to have to be careful, but when a motorccle cop pulls them over, Fred insults the cop’s feet, saying he should work for the fire department, where he could help stamp out fires. The cop drags them in front of a judge, who fortunately lets them off with light fines, having a sense of humor.

Barney suggests they get home before he insults somebody else, and Fred responds, “Is there anyone I missed?” Yes there us, and here they come – Mr. and Mrs. Slate. Knowing Fred risks being fired if he speaks, Barney suggests a solution – if Fred only moves his mouth, Barney will do the talking for him, like a ventriloquist. The idea works, with Fred complimenting Mrs. Slate’s hairdo instead of tearing it apart verbally. But there’s a further problem to face. Slate reminds Fred that he is scheduled to give a speech this afternoon at a local club. Barney mouths that Fred will be there, but it looks problematic, as Fred lapses into another spell of truth-telling, and almost blurts out what he really thinks of Mrs. Slate’s hairdo as the couple is leaving. His last words, however, are never heard by the Slates, as Fred’s voice dies away, and he catches a sudden case of laryngitis. Now he can’t insult anybody – but Barney will still have to do all the talking for Fred to make his speech engagement.

The afternoon speech time arrives. Backstage, Barney rehearses the bit with Fred, who performs with flapping mouth and hand gestures to Barney’s words. Midway through a line, Fred finds himself mouthing a sneeze from Barney’s lips – and suddenly, Barney’s voice trails off to a whisper. Barney has caught Fred’s cold, and lost his voice too. Now, who will give the speech? Barney whispers that they’ll just have to find somebody else to take Barney’s place, and peers out from behind the stage curtain in search of a substitute. Barney tells Fred he sees a possible someone, and exits the scene to make contact with the prospect, just as Fred is called to the podium. Fred sips a cup of water to stall, then hears a whisper from Barney in the wings, who gives him an “OK” sign to commence. Fred begins moving his lips = but the voice heard by the audience is that of a little old lady. Mr, Slate in the audience thinks Fred is turning the meeting into a circus, but the rest of the audience is in stitches of laughter.

We dissolve to Fred’s back yard, where Fred and Barney try to relax in lawn chairs, commiserating about a disastrous day. Though the two have somehow found their voices again, Fred has been fired. Barney apologizes that the only one he could find to take his place on short notice was Barney’s Aunt Hilda. But Mr. Slate turns up again, with the surprise announcement that Fred is re-hired, as the club loved his act, and has asked for him to return as a guest speaker next year. Fred thanks Slate, but suddenly develops the trembles and spinning eyes again. He begins to remark that there’s something he’s always wanted to tell Slate about his nose. Before he can finish the sentence, a paper boy tosses the evening edition into the yard – of course made of heavy marble. It lands on Fred’s head, bounces off, and hits Barney too. Slate asks what it was Fred was saying about his nose – and Fred, in his old buttering-up tones, remarks how distinguished Slate’s nose is. As Slate turns for his car, Barney asks if Fred realize what he has just done? He’s cured, by the paper blow. Fred may be his old self, but now Barney goes into the trembles and eye spins. He calls after Slate, “Is that your nose, or are you earing a banana?” All Fred can do is moan, “Oh, no. WILMA!!!”

We are perhaps all mercifully spared the ordeal of slogging through the longest title on today’s list, Little Big League (4/6/78), a late special intended for an hour-long slot, due to the film’s nearly-entire absence from the internet. Cast changes had taken place by this time, with the “singing” Fred (Henry Corden) taking over full voice duties for Alan Reed, and another new voice for Betty. Wilma, Barney, and Slate retain original voicing. The story is cast at a time period between various incarnations of the show, with Pebbles and Bamm Bamm on the verge of adolescence, at a time a year or two prior to their funky teen period in “The Pebbles and Bamm Bamm Show”. The animators, however, seem unsure as to what size the characters should be during this period, and struggle with the models, rendering heads on the characters that seem much too small to display in the same shot with their large-head parents. Even Wilma’s head seems to dwarf the size of Pebbles, and the same problem with Bamm Bamm. Adding to this awkwardness is a wandering and padded script, an improbable and weak ending, and several new characters that seem largely unnecessary. For lack of access to a full viewing copy, I defer to the somewhat-rambling description set forth on Wikipedia, which sets forth the most comprehensive coverage of the plot, such as it is:

“Fred and Barney become coaches of opposing Little League baseball teams: Barney is coach of the Sandstone Sluggers, a team that features the incredible hitting prowess of his son, Bamm-Bamm, and Fred volunteers to coach an opposing team, the Bedrock Brontos, for his boss Mr. Slate. When driving home from work, he ends up pulled over by a police officer for speeding. When Fred mentions that he is coaching the Bedrock Brontos, the police officer lets him off with a warning and says that he has a pitcher for his team.

“Upon arriving home, Fred tells Wilma and Pebbles that he became the coach for the Bedrock Brontos. He decides not let Barney know of this until later.

“When it comes to practice, Fred denies having Barney see them. When Fred does meet the team, he ends up meeting Lefty (the son of the police officer that pulled Fred over earlier) and Dusty (the son of Judge Shale). At the quarry the next day, Mr. Slate tells Fred to make the Bedrock Brontos a champion team or Fred will lose his job. When driving home later, he ends up accidentally rear-ending the police officer who ends up confiscating Fred’s license. When Fred states that he will improve on Lefty’s abilities, the police officer returns Fred’s license with a warning not to enact a third warning next time.

“Moments later at home, Fred and his family are visited by Judge Shale who was not pleased that Dusty was resting while benched. Judge Shale then tells Fred that Dusty better be on the field practicing or he will land Fred in the courthouse.

“During practice the next day, Fred discovers that the Brontos’ only strength is spearheaded by Pebbles who stuns everyone with her remarkable pitching skills and fielding ability. Fred decides to put Pebbles on his team.

“Leaving their long-standing friendship in the dug-out, Fred and Barney lead their teams right into the championship. When Barney stays with Fred, they sleep together that night. The next morning, a tired Fred and Barney take off and try to get to the ballpark as fast they could only to be pulled over by a short police officer who ends up taking them to Judge Shale.

“At the stadium, Wilma and Betty wonder what’s taking Fred and Barney. Meanwhile, at the courthouse, Judge Shale suspends the sentence on Fred and Barney for speeding when it turns out that the game between the Bedrock Brontos and the Sandstone Sluggers is occurring. Judge Shale then has the short police officer escort them to the ballpark.

“At the stadium, Mr. Slate has Wilma and Betty cover for Fred and Barney on the field. The game begins as Fred, Barney, and Judge Shale arrive. As the game continues, Pebbles pitches the ball to Bamm-Bamm who ends up hitting it upward. Since the ball hasn’t come down and it isn’t a home run or a foul, the game ends in a tie, which leads all of the players and Fred and Barney to sing “Be a Good Sport”. Barney believes that the song has a lot of philosophy, and Fred agrees. Then, the players carry Fred and Barney on their shoulders in celebration.”

The longest collection of video clips from the film on the internet is within a fan review of the film, included below, which I think does a good job of pointing out the special’s weaker points. Anyone wishing to expound contrary viewpoints, or to add further detail to the synopsis, is invited to contribute below.

• A fan review with clips is the best coverage of “Little Big League” I could find:

Wind-Up Wilma (10/4/81). No, it’s not about a mechanical robot. This prime-time special sticks to a half-hour format, and plays much like a traditional episode of the original series, except for the newly-added Frankenstones replacing the Gruesomes, and the aforementioned voice changes for Fred and Betty. Pebbles returns to baby age (thank goodness). While at the supermarket with Betty and Pebbles, Wilma witnesses a pair of holdup men make off with the cash from the register. Wilma picks up the closest large object, a melon she has just purchased, and winds-up her right arm, flinging the melon like a baseball. The melon takes some fancy curves to avoid signs and follow the aisle to the exit, and clobbers both bandits, knocking them cold. A reporter (a parody of Barbara Walters) and news crew interview Wilma as a hero, and ask for an on-camera demonstration of how she threw the melon. Wilma, to even her own surprise, duplicates the effort, nailing a stop sign with a pitch of about 100 feet.

Watching the news report later that day are local Bedrock Dodgers owner Charlie Finrock (play on Charlie Finley) and manager Tommy LaShale (play on Tommy Lasorda). They commiserate about attendance at the last game – 208 boy scouts admitted free, and two paid admissions – from their own mothers. They view Wilma’s mighty toss, and hear the TV reporter’s suggestion that Wilma should pitch for their local Dodgers. The two arrive at the same conclusion as Wimpy did with Olive Oyl last week – the first female major leaguer equals a guaranteed flood of ticket sales. In no time, they are at the Flintstone residence, offering Wilma a tryout, and a salary of 1,000 clams a game with end of the season bonus of 5,000 clams. Wilma is amazed, but says she needs to talk it over with her husband first.

Where is Fred during all of this? He’s had a rough day, doing a little speeding to make up for lost time on the road, on a stretch of highway where he claims to know the patrolling traffic cop personally. As the sounds of a siren are heard, Fred pulls over, and prepares to exchange cordialities with the cop – only to find that the officer has been replaced with a burly lady cop, who fills her ticket book with violations to charge Fred with. Fred is of course grumpy about the whole thing, and about a woman’s place being at home – where the cop belonged. The news of the offer to Wilma hits Fred like a bombshell, and he starts his expected verbal tirade in protest – until he hears of all those clams provided for in the offer. Fred’s speech is cut short with mutterings of “5,000 clams”, and he keels over backwards in his easy chair, fainting dead away from the shock.

Wilma shows up for her tryout. Advancing to the mound, she knows so little about the game (despite all prior episodes discussed above) that she faces second base instead of home, and has to be instructed what a catcher’s mitt is so that she knows what to throw at. Nevertheless, her pitches are right on the money, and consistent 10 times in a row. Her on-the-money pitches get her offered the money, and she signs on the dotted line. Fred meanwhile has been left saddled with the tasks of babysitting Pebbles and the household chores in Wilma’s absence – and on his day off. When Wilma arrives with the news of making the team as relief pitcher, Fred can see the writing on the wall – that he’ll be up to his neck in domestic chores forever, unless something is done about it.

Wilma claims she’s so nervous, she won’t be able to sleep a wink all night. Nevertheless, she no sooner rests her head on the pillow, than she falls into a complete sleep that seems un-disturbable. Fred conspires with Dino and Pebbles to try to keep Mama from slumber, to make her too tired to carry through with the big game in the morning. Pebbles turns on the crying act, but Mama doesn’t raise an eyelid. Dino hops into bed with Fred and Wilma, and snores his loudest snores – but Wilma still does not stir. Only when Fred has run out of ideas does Wilma suddenly rise from bed – to shut off a dripping faucet in the kitchen, so quiet that no one else but her was able to hear it. By now it is already morning, and Wilma, fully rested, just has time to make it to the ball park.

In the bottom of the ninth, Wilma’s services are called for, to face a final batter of the opposing team – a behemoth named Man Mountain Mean, who has never been struck out. Mean fixes himself a new bat, uprooting a large tree and chewing upon its trunk to fashion a handle. Wilma throws a fast ball that gets Mean swinging wild, falling on his keester as the ball passes. The next ball is a curve, also fooling Mean with its erratic movement. At home, Fred watches the game with Barney, confusing himself as to whether to root for the exciting play of Wilma, or for Mean to sock the ball and send Wilma back home. Wilma’s third pitch is a slow ball, which hesitates just before the plate, and jitters with the sound-effect of a changing gearshift, slipping into high-gear to zoom forward for the third strike, ruining Mean’s record and winning the game.

Fred arrives to pick up Wilma, as crowds of reporters vie for interviews of her. Fred is put in his place by a reporter, who entirely fails to take note of his name for the papers, referring to him as “Mrs. Flintstone’s husband.” Fred begins to mope and moan, realizing he’ll probably never see an end to this, and wearily trudges back to the car. Wilma observes his exit, and can see how hard Fred is taking this, just as the Barbara Walters reporter asks Wilma for one more demonstration of her pitches. Wilma winds up – but abruptly stops, complaining of severe pain in her arm. The reporter offers to call for an ambulance, but Wilma insists on going alone with Fred for medical assistance. Later, at the hospital, Wilma emerges with her arm in a sling, and informs Fred that the diagnosis was pitcher’s elbow, and that she was advised to never pitch again. (Where was Tommy John surgery in those days?) Fred is sad at her misfortune, but more cheery than sad at knowing he and the family will have Wilma back. They stop by the supermarket for some brontosaurus steaks for a celebration dinner, when history repeats itself. The market is held up again, and Fred is unable to intimidate the escaping robber with claim that he has a black belt in karate – the robber claiming that he has two of them, and knocking Fred down. Wilma reaches into the shopping cart for another melon, and again scores a bulls-eye upon the robber’s dome – with the arm that had been in a sling. Fred catches on, and Wilma admits she faked the injury for Fred and Pebbles, preferring them to a career any day. As bystanders observe the clobbered robber, and turn to attribute the credit to “that lady over there”, Fred and Wilma don’t wait for lighting to strike them twice, and mutually conclude, “Let’s get outta here!”

• “Wind-Up Wilma” is available complete on Dailymotion, but divided in three parts.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

NEXT WEEK: Still keeping my lineups secret until next Wednesday. Take a 7th inning stretch, and see you then.